Don't Let Me Go
by FancifulRivers
Summary: AU. L and Light both spend an uneasy night, dreaming about what could be.


**Author's Note: I do not and never will own Death Note.**

 **Inspired by/quoting Starset "My Demons." (Can you guess my favorite DN ship?)**

i. _Mayday, mayday, the ship is slowly sinking_

L was dreaming. He'd slipped from his customary crouch, sprawled out in the chair, the handcuff chain still clinking softly against the side. The dark shadows under his eyes were like sooty smudges, his eyes rolling uneasily beneath their lids.

He was perched next to Light, but Light was...different. He couldn't put his finger on why until the man turned his head and grinned, his teeth stained crimson.

"There is a hundred percent chance I'm Kira," Light proclaimed and laughed, the howling sound splintering through L's head. Frozen in his chair, he realized he was now tied to it, a gag slipped painfully tight between his teeth, cutting into the corners of his mouth and staining the fabric bloody.

"Your predictions can't stop me now, can they, Ryuzaki?" Light- Kira- sneered. His eyes glowed like dull red embers. "Nothing can. I'm the god of this pitiful little world, and I rule it better than ordinary little humans ever could. There is no crime, Ryuzaki. No evil."

"Except you," L tried to say, but he couldn't spit the gag out, so only muffled noises escaped, easily dismissed by the serial killer sprawled out next to him.

"I win, Ryuzaki," Kira said, hand coming up. L caught a glint of silver. It was the key to the cuffs that bound him to the chair. "You lose."

Kira snapped the key in half, giggling until L's teeth hurt.

"You're mine, Ryuzaki," Light said.

ii. _They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling_

He jerked awake, heart fluttering in his chest, before sleep took over again instantly. On the bed a few feet away, Light Yagami slept on.

A Shinigami in front of him. Rem? Anxiety pulsed in his wrists, pounded in his temples.

"Sorry," she whispered, over and over. She held a notebook, the pages slowly dripping blood to the ground, pattering like raindrops. "I must keep Misa safe."

Bells tolled around him, so loud they drowned out his heartbeat. A band of pressure tightened around his ribcage, and his fingers grasped ineffectually at his heart. Behind him, he could hear Kira's laughter, spiraling higher and higher as Rem abruptly burst into dust, the Death Note thumping to the ground as he did.

 _This is your future,_ he thought as he died, and he couldn't explain why.

iii. _Take me high and I'll sing, you make everything okay_

L scrambled from the chair as soon as his eyes opened, landing on his feet like a cat. Across the room, Light stirred and L froze. Uncharacteristic darts of fear burrowed into his skull. _Kira- I knew it- it was just a dream-_

He was a jumbled mess.

Scrounging through the detritus on the floor, he soon retrieved a lollipop and slipped it into his mouth. The sugar concentrated his deductive powers wonderfully.

"Ryuzaki?" Light murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"Go back to sleep," L replied without looking at the man, though his jaw ached with tension and his shoulder blades prickled.

"Are you okay?" Light asked, and L bit his bottom lip so hard, he nearly bit it through.

"Yes, Light," he answered patiently. "I am working on the case. Go back to sleep."

No response, but he could hear Light shifting around on the sheet, trying to get comfortable.

Despite his resolve to stay awake, the perpetual insomniac found his eyes drooping shut again.

iv. _I need a savior to heal my pain when I become my worst enemy_

"This is why I don't sleep," he murmured in the dream. This time, he had no idea where he was. A warehouse of some sort. He had interrupted a scene already in progress and he realized with a painful start that nobody else could see him. It was like he was a ghost.

"You're Kira, Light Yagami," a sleepy-looking boy with silver-white hair sitting cross-legged on the floor said. L watched with disbelief. Light's laughter chilled him, reminding him of his earlier nightmare (vision?) when Rem had written his name in the Death Note and all he could hear was Kira's enjoyment. The bullets that thudded into Kira's body were unsettling and real in a way the rest of the vision wasn't, and if he leaned a little closer, he could see the shock glazing Light's eyes, see the blood staining his suit and dripping into the puddle beneath him.

"L," Light whispered and the detective gasped. Kira could _see_ him. His eyes looked tortured, as breath heaved out of his damaged lungs. "L, I'm so sorry-"

L didn't know what to say.

v. _It takes control and drags me into nowhere_

Light was dreaming.

He was Kira. He had _everything_. God of a perfect world, everything he'd ever wanted-

Until he glanced aside and realized that L wasn't there to share it with him. His greatest triumph, and the one he most longed to be victorious over wasn't there.

 _You killed him,_ his mind whispered, but he couldn't have, could he? He had contingency plans set up, but L was brilliant, there was no way he would walk into one of those, there was no way he could have possibly _really_ figured out that Light was Kira.

 _You killed him,_ his mind insisted, and his stomach roiled. The Death Note's cover gleamed innocently up at him from his desk. The human whose name is written in this note shall die _..._

"I didn't mean it," Light blurted out. "I take it back."

"Take what back, Light?" Ryuk questioned, crunching an apple.

"L, I don't, I mean," Light stammered.

"You can't," Ryuk grinned, yellow-and-red eyes pinning Light to the spot. "Why would you want to? Kira."

Light turned and was noisily sick in a wastepaper basket.

vi. _I need your help, I can't fight this forever_

When he stirred, he was back in his office. L was there, sitting in the next chair in the weird position he always liked to take up.

"Ryuzaki," Light exclaimed, but the man never stirred. "You're here," Light added uncertainly.

"Yes, Kira," L said dully, and the name slipping from his lips sounded like a curse. Light recoiled.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and L whirled, letting Light see the handcuffs braceleting his skinny wrists, how the shadows under his eyes had intensified.

"You're a _murderer_ , Kira, that is what is wrong," L hissed. "You are a murderer. I will never help you. I will never join you. Write my damned name in the Note already and _end this_ -" He broke off, collapsing back into his chair. His toes dragged along the carpet.

"But I only kill criminals," Light replied weakly. "They deserve it- everyone wants a perfect world."

"This is not a perfect world," L said, his voice monotonous. "You are judge, jury, and executioner. You allow no circumstances to change your mind, and the world fears you, Kira. This is not justice."

Ryuk laughed and laughed as Light stood there, chest aching as he tried to figure out where it had all gone wrong.

vii. _Save me if I become my demons_

Light jolted awake, breathing hard, as he fumbled for the lamp switch and flooded the room in warm yellow light, uncaring if it would wake up Ryuzaki. In fact, he kind of hoped that it would.

"Is something wrong, Light?" L's voice drifted across to him. He turned, the sight of the handcuff around the detective's wrist provoking a nasty spike of anxiety before he remembered the other cuff was around his own arm.

"N-yes," he admitted on a shaky sigh. _This is so stupid, Light,_ he thought. _You are going to end up executed. Or in prison for life. You deserve it, if you give up your vision._

"What is it, Light?" L asked. He held another lollipop loosely between his fingers.

"Is there anywhere we can talk without being monitored?" Light asked instead. He felt unsteady, like he was trying to balance on a boulder slowly gaining momentum, about to thunder out of control.

"There is," L acknowledged slowly. "Why, Light?"

"Please?" Light said. His voice trembled, and he hated it.

viii. _We are one and the same, you take all of the pain away_

The roof was cold. Light hadn't bothered to change, and he couldn't stop shivering. Ryuzaki wasn't wearing shoes, yet seemed unaffected as always.

"If I told you something, would you tell anyone else?" Light questioned.

"That depends on what it is, Light Yagami," L replied solemnly.

"Do you dream, L?" Light changed the subject suddenly. The man's face whitened for just a moment.

"Sometimes," L acknowledged, his tone a thread too careful.

"Tonight?" Light persisted.

"Yes," L admitted.

"Did you dream of the future?" Light asked. His palms were sweaty and he wiped them on his pants, not caring that the detective would probably catalog the gesture away as an even higher probability that he was Kira.

"Why do you ask?" Ryuzaki asked in turn, black eyes sharpening.

"Because I did," Light whispered. "And I don't- I don't want..." He fumbled to a stop. He couldn't explain. He didn't know _how_ to explain. He just knew that the thought of murdering L or the thought of making him so profoundly unhappy he begged for death made him feel sick in ways he didn't know were possible. He'd certainly never felt this depth of emotion over Misa.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Light?" L stepped closer, bare feet delicate on the rough surface. Rain drizzled down, dampening them both.

"I'm Kira," Light whispered, his heartbeat trebling for a moment. He waited for the shout to go up, for L to drag him inside, for the handcuffs to slide over both wrists.

L stepped even closer, his breath now ghosting across Light's face.

"I know," L whispered back. There was a slight clinking sound and Light looked down.

L had taken off the handcuffs.


End file.
